


Not wasting any more time.

by shotguncas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dialogue, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Feels, Fluff, Getting Together, Holding Hands, Kissing, Kissing at Midnight, M/M, Matchmaker Jack, Matchmaker Sam Winchester, Matchmaking, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, Road Trips, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Talking, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, and no Dean being taken by michael, just happiness, no Empty deal here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 13:11:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17244824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shotguncas/pseuds/shotguncas
Summary: With the decision to celebrate the New Year, a plan is put into practice and a road trip comes. And with it, comes a lot of talking, thinking, bed sharing and lots of pretending... that until everything becomes too real for Dean and Cas.





	1. Chapter 1

The idea came from Jack, just like everything they did lately came from the kid’s mind. Maybe they were being avertedly affectionate and solicitous with Jack after he had almost died for good, but this time they had more reasons to say yes than simply “to make Jack happy”.

It was December 29. They had just had a Christmas celebration with presents, lights, dinner and even a decorated tree. Jack and Castiel had insisted on it. However, the idea for New Year came solely from Jack.

“I saw in several TV shows that people celebrate the beginning of a new year.” Jack started when they were in the kitchen having lunch. Dean smiled to himself, knowing another idea was coming. “I was wondering if we could celebrate it as well.”

Castiel shrugged his arms closer to himself, placing both hands in between his legs, the gesture meaning he was comfortable. He frowned in thought.

“What are you thinking?” Sam asked after swallowing his pasta.

“Fireworks?” Jack said, widening his eyes and smiling. “They seem really beautiful.”

“Sounds nice.” Dean shrugged.

“We could light some…” Castiel said, eyes narrowed as he imagined what it would be like. “But that would be dangerous.”

“We could go to Kansas City. I hear they have a whole firework show on New Year’s Eve in this Winter Festival.” Dean offered.

“How do you know that?” Sam asked him.

“Saw it on TV.” Dean said, shrugging to change the path of the conversation. “What do you say, Cas?”

“It would be nice.” Castiel nodded, smiling at Dean.

Dean nodded back at him, and continued to stare at Cas for a few seconds.

Sam looked at Jack with an annoyed expression. In return, Jack rolled his eyes and shook his head at Sam.

Clearing his throat, Sam slammed his hand on the table, startling both Dean and Cas from the staring.

“So it’s settled.” Sam got up. “We’re going over to KC.” He added, taking his plate to the sink. “Sounds fun.”

“We can even stop by Lawrence on the way back.” Dean offered. “Been a while… mom would probably like going back there for a bit.”

“You should ask her beforehand, in my opinion.” Said Castiel, placing a hand over the table as to be understood. “She had a hard time coming back, remember? It would be wise to ask if she’s ready, first.”

“Yeah, Cas is right.” Sam agreed.

“I’ll talk to her.” Dean decided, promptly getting up and leaving the kitchen, empty plate staying on the table.

Sam and Jack shared a quick look, nodding to each other.

“I’ll… go with him.” Jack pointed to the door and left after Dean.

Seconds of silence followed, until Sam cleared his throat.

“So, Cas.” Sam called, getting Cas’ attention as he sat in front of him, on Dean’s spot. “I know you have feelings for Dean and all.” He started, watching as Cas squinted at him suspiciously. “C’mon man… no lies on Christmas.”

“Christmas already passed.” Castiel pointed out smartly. “But well… yes.” He admitted. “What about it?”

Sam smiled.

“Have you thought about…” He said and shrugged. “You know.”

“Acting on it?” Cas added with his eyebrows raised in annoyance. He snorted. “Of course, Sam… a million times.”

“Why don’t you do something, then?” Sam immediately asked, feeling anxious.

“Because I think my feelings are unrequited.” Castiel shrugged. “Simple like that.”

“But what if they aren’t?” Sam insisted.

Castiel sighed, eyes closed.

“Sam…” He shook his head. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing.” Sam said defensively. “I’m just trying to help.”

Cas squinted at Sam once again, watching his face intently for a few seconds. He hummed.

“I’m just saying…” Sam raised his hands. “What if I can find out if he likes you back? Would you act on his yes?”

Castiel gave another sigh, even more annoyed.

“Maybe.” He decided. “It really would depend on the situation, Sam… I don’t wanna lose Dean’s friendship over something as dumb as me feeling romantic over him.”

“It’s not dumb.” Sam said, as if he had been insulted.

Cas shook his head.

“I’ll think about it, okay?” He offered. “I promise.”

Sam nodded, finally getting up and leaving the kitchen.

Taking a deep, unnecessary breath, Castiel got up and took all the plates to the sink. As he started to wash the dishes, he thought about what he could have with Dean if he ever came to terms with his feelings, then let them out and finally… was corresponded by Dean.

Their “companion outings” could be called dates, they could hold hands when they did their weekly walks around the bunker area, cuddle while watching their favorite movies in Dean’s cave, kiss each other instead of only watching each other’s lips, touch each other without feeling guilty, talk about their bond…

Thinking about it all made him realize that a part of him knew Dean had feelings for him. Dean did the same things Cas did in their relationship, and what Cas did was coming from a romantic place, so it only made sense Dean’s actions came from the same kind of place. However, a bigger part of him was too afraid to risk talking about it or putting things out in the open.

He would love to be able to kiss Dean on the New Year night, just like couples did on movies.

But maybe that was just another thing he would only have to think of during his sleepless nights.

 

*** 

 

 “Dean.” Jack called. They were sitting on the recliners at the Dean-cave, watching cartoons.

“Yeah.” Dean said around a mouthful of popcorn.

“Why aren’t you and Castiel together, like a couple?” Jack asked just as Dean was swallowing, the word “couple” startling him and causing him to choke and start coughing out the popcorn.

Jack’s eyes went wide, and he leaned forward to touch Dean’s forearm. Dean dismissed his care, waving his hands.

“What?” Dean asked weakly, still coughing.

“Why aren’t you and Cas in a relationship?” Jack asked again, still feigning innocence. “You know… a romantic relationship.”

Dean took some deep breaths to get rid of the bad feeling in his throat, trying to calm down his heartbeat.

“Why are you asking that?” He asked when his voice seemed to return, though it still burned to speak.

“Because you look so fondly at each other, and I see that exact same look on the movies.” Jack explained, pointing at the television. “So I thought the two of you might like each other like the couples do.”

“Well kid…” Dean sighed, leaning back on the recliner and folding a leg to sit over it. “It’s complicated.”

“Why?” Jack squinted interestedly.

“Well the life we live isn’t easy… people can’t just be together and expect nothing bad to happen.” Dean said. “At least not me. I can’t do that.”

Noticing Dean hadn’t exactly answered the question or denied his feelings, Jack decided to use that.

“So what you’re saying is that if you could, if it was possible, you would be in a relationship with Castiel?” He tried.

Dean took a deep breath.

“Well… yeah.” Dean shrugged. “If he wanted it, of course. If he liked me back.” He was quick to add.

Jack nodded and considered it all for a second, looking down at his own hands.

“You know, Dean…” Jack started, looking back up. “I may just be a child, but in this couple of years, I died and I came back… and with that, I learned a lot.”

Dean nodded, giving Jack a small smile.

“The most important thing I learned was that humans have so little time. We are so fragile and worried about things that aren’t really important.” Jack said. “We forget about the things that matter the most, and we focus only on other people when sometimes we really should just stop and think about ourselves for a bit. Think about what we want and need.”

Dean lifted his chin, squinting a little, noticing what Jack was trying to say.

“You have been gone a bunch of times. And you were lucky enough to come back from all of them.” Jack continued. “But have you ever wondered how many chances you will have missed and how much happiness you will have given up if you happen to die soon and never come back?”

Swallowing thickly, Dean shook his head.

“I never really thought about it like that.” He admitted with a shrug and a chuckle.

“You should.” Jack added. “Especially because I know for a fact that Castiel has feelings for you.”

Dean lifted his head, his eyes widening.

“What?” He said, surprised. “Did he say that?”

Nodding, Jack smiled, while Dean breathed out a nervous laugh.

“You should make a move.” Jack suggested. “I’m sure he’d love that.”

Dean nodded slightly, still a little shaken. Getting up, Jack stood by the recliner.

“You deserve to be happy, Dean.” Added Jack. “Don’t waste any more time.”

 

***

 

When Jack left the Dean-cave, Sam was a few doors away, leaning against the wall and waiting for him.

“So?” Sam asked, eyes wide.

“It’s on.” Jack answered excitedly. “I told him Cas has feelings for him and he should make a move.”

“Did you manage to get a heartfelt conversation out of him?” Asked Sam, clearly hopeful.

“I did most of the talking… but he did seem touched.” Jack disclosed, satisfied.

“I guess that’s enough.” Sam sighed.

“Now what?” Jack asked as they started walking to the library.

“I guess I’ll tell Cas about Dean liking him back right now.” Sam shrugged. “Then we just have to wait, and hope they act soon.”

 

*** 

 

On the following day, after much arguing, Castiel agreed to dress casual clothes for the trip.

“People travel to that place as a way to enjoy their vacation time, man.” Dean told him. “That means none of them wear suits and coats. They use casual clothes, flannels, winter coats and jackets, jeans, shit like that.”

“Fine. I can dress something other than my suit.” Castiel conceded. “But I don’t see why my trench coat would be a problem.”

“Because that’s a horrible coat!” Dean said before he could hold it back. Both arms raised.

Castiel looked at him with hurt in his eyes. Dean took a deep breath.

“Sorry.” Dean said and approached the bed to sit by Cas’ side. “Look, buddy, you wanna embarrass Jack by being a weird dad, that’s your choice… I’m trying to help you here.” He said, squeezing Cas’ knee.

Castiel squinted at Dean for a few seconds, and then rolled his eyes.

“Fine, whatever.”

Dean clapped.

“Great!” He said, getting up and going to his dresser, opening some drawers and taking clothes from it. “We’ll buy some clothes for you when we’re back from Kansas City.” Dean said, throwing Cas a pair of jeans. “For now, you can use mine.”

Castiel took the jeans and a couple of shirts Dean threw him, placed them on the bed and started to undress. He took off his coat, suit jacket and tie.

“It’ll be cold in KC, so you’ll have to wear a heavy coat like all of us.” Dean continued, and when he turned around with a coat in hand, he saw Castiel unbuttoning the last buttons of his white shirt.

Swallowing thickly, Dean tried to act normal. He placed the coat on the bed and sat with his back to Castiel, doing his best not to turn around and stare at all the skin suddenly visible.

“You think it’ll fit?” Dean asked, noticing his voice was a little shaky.

“I can make it fit if necessary.” Castiel said.

“Uhm… okay.” Dean huffed, nodding nervously as he passed a hand over his mouth.

Peeking behind himself, Dean saw Castiel adjusting the front of the jeans before closing the zipper and button.

“How does it look?” Cas asked, causing Dean to finally lift his eyes from Cas’ crotch to his naked chest and then eyes.

“Good.” Dean said after a few seconds. “Looks good.” He tried to smile.

Nodding, Castiel squinted at Dean while he reached for a long sleeved t-shirt. Maybe Sam wasn’t lying after all. Maybe Dean really did like him back...

 

*** 

 

 “It’s a five hour drive from here to KC. We’ll leave soon and sleep there when we arrive, so tomorrow we can spend the whole day on that park.” Dean said, placing their duffle bags on the truck of the Impala. “Mom will go with Bobby in one car and you guys can choose whether to go with me and Cas or with them.”

Jack and Sam shared a look.

“We’ll go with them.” Sam said, causing Dean to stop fixing the bags and look back suspiciously. Sam smiled weirdly, trying to cover up how he was up to something.

“Yes.” Jack agreed. The same awkward smile plastered on his face. “I’d like to listen to more of Uncle Bobby’s stories.”

“Alright then.” Dean shrugged, going back to the bags.

Castiel watched the exchange with a squint, paying close attention to Sam and Jack.

“Guess Cas rides shotgun with me this time, then.” Dean said when he finished, approaching Cas and giving his shoulder a squeeze.

“That sounds like it will be fun.” Castiel said, smiling and watching how Dean’s eyes wandered twice to his lips then back to his eyes.

Castiel noticed Sam and Jack leaving the garage as Dean let go of him, his hand lingering a touch from his shoulder to his elbow.

Dean’s gut burned with butterflies as he stepped back towards the car, knowing Cas had noticed his stare.

Maybe he should just do what Jack said.

It was embarrassing, of course, to get love advice from a two-year-old teenager. And the worst part was that the advice was good. Maybe it was time to get his head out of his ass and make a move. Show Cas how he felt, maybe change the course of his life to a better place. Start enjoying little things with someone by his side.

He had always wanted that, but became too afraid to admit, fearing the loss of something he didn’t even have. Deep down, all Dean wanted was someone to wake him up when he slept too much, hold his hand when it got bad, massage his shoulders after a hunt, heal his wounds the old fashioned way: with a kiss. Oh, and kiss. Move his lips against someone else’s and touch their body as they did so, wandering hands over soft skin. Learn what the person liked, how they reacted to the small touches… He missed that.

He didn’t just want _someone_ , though.

Every time he saw himself with someone, every time he had dreams and fantasies, every time he thought about a person, a _partner_ , it wasn’t some random person, some chick or dude he picked up on a bar… it was always the same person.

Always Cas.

Looking up from where he was lowered, he saw Cas leaning against the Impala, typing on his phone. Dean’s blue long-sleeved shirt already completely rumpled, hugging Cas’ upper-body perfectly.

_It was always Castiel._

Settling his mind, Dean decided this was the time. He was finally doing something about his feelings.

 


	2. Chapter 2

One hour of the drive was filled with silence from both Dean and Castiel in the car.

Dean could see Jack looking back at them from Bobby’s car in front of them, and every ten minutes they got a wave from him. _Weird._ , he thought, _If he wanted to be here with us, why didn’t he chose to come here in the Impal_ a?

When the first hour and a half were over, Dean started to feel restless, he was afraid he was going to spill all the beans soon if he didn’t find something to fill in the silence.

“Choose something for us to listen, man.” Dean said, drying one sweaty hand after the other on his jeans. “As much as I like being silent, I need something to keep me awake.”

“Did you fix the tape deck?” Castiel asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, that’s what I was doing on Christmas day while y’all kept singing in the kitchen.” Dean said as if it was obvious.

Castiel hummed, then took the cassette box from the glove compartment and started going through them, thinking about choosing the most colorful one.

“Maybe we could talk instead.” Castiel offered after noticing none of the cassettes seemed interesting enough.

“Talk?” Dean asked in incredulity. He looked at Cas and saw he had a hopeful look in his eyes. That was _dangerous_. “Uhm… sure.” He shrugged and turned on the radio for a little white noise.

They kept on silent for a few seconds.

“What do you wanna talk about?” Castiel asked, placing the cassette box back in the glove compartment.

“What!? Why do I have to start?” Dean said. His voice slightly high pitched. “You came up with it, so you start.”

“Okay then…” Castiel raised a hand in defense. “I actually do have a question.”

“Shoot.” Dean answered automatically, feeling a little nervous.

“Do you ever plan to settle down with someone?” Asked Castiel, elbow over the open window, fingers touching the smooth roof of the car. “Stop feeding on the adrenaline and just have peace and quiet with somebody by your side…”

Dean looked at him and swallowed thickly. Seconds later, he snorted.

“Don’t have anyone to do that with.” He said simply.

Castiel’s interest bloomed.

“But if you had someone, you would?” He tried.

“Well, yeah, I guess…” Dean shrugged, feeling hot all over. “But why do you care, dude?” He huffed a laugh.

“I just think you deserve to have someone that can give you what you want, that’s all.” Castiel answered with a smile towards Dean.

“It’s hard to see it happening.” Dean sighed. “But I appreciate it, man.”

Castiel nodded, tapping his fingertips on the roof but suddenly stopping as he remembered that fingers usually left marks on the bodywork and Dean hated that.

“What about you?” Dean said after some minutes.

“What?” Castiel asked in confusion, having lost the train of thought.

“Do you feel like settling down?” Dean clarified with a shrug.

“Oh.” Castiel mumbled, retracting his arm from the window and tangling his own fingers together over his legs. “I do.” He disclosed with a sincere smile.

Dean’s surprise caught him, and he was left speechless for almost a whole minute.

“Cool.” He finally said, trying to act like Castiel’s words didn’t just blew his mind. “That’s cool.”

“Yes.” Castiel answered with a nod.

Silence won them over for another 20 minutes.

While Castiel daydreamed about a future with Dean, Dean’s mind went to some dark places. He remembered Jack’s words, and remembered how he ended up feeling when Castiel was gone, killed by Lucifer.

“You know… there actually is something I wanted to talk about.” Dean said without exactly thinking much, knowing that if he did think, he would never talk about it.

Castiel nodded for Dean to continue.

“When you died, almost two years ago…” He started and ended up snorting in anger. “That broke me, man.” He let it out with a shook of his head. “I was done. I was… _over_.”

Cas frowned, feeling his heart squeezing in his chest.

“I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep… I could only drink and yell at everyone.” Dean continued. “I was an asshole to Jack because I blamed him for everything.” He shook his head. “I never really knew how to deal with the loss of people I care about.”

Castiel reached to squeeze Dean’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry that happened.” Dean finally let it out. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you back… I failed you.” He said, and added in a thought: _I failed you, Castiel, the most important person in my life._ , but couldn’t bring himself to say it out lout.

The thought, though, went to Castiel in form of a prayer. He took his hand away from Dean’s shoulder quickly, as if he had been burned.

“Dean…” Castiel started. His voice soft and understanding. “You didn’t…”

“You mean too much to me, Cas.” Dean stopped him, looking deep into his blue eyes. “And I always fail to let you know that.”

Cas smiled sadly, feeling Dean’s pain strongly through their bond.

“I don’t hold anything against you, Dean. I’m so grateful for everything you did.” Cas said, shaking his head slightly. “If anything, I hate _myself_ for not fighting harder when you wanted to say yes to Michael. I’m sorry I didn’t have any other plans to offer.”

“It’s not your job to give solutions all the time, man.” Dean said, on the verge of anger. “You’re not a tool to us. You’re family.” His voice softened. “Simple like that. There is nothing to prove, nothing to pay back. You don’t owe us, or even me, anything.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel said with certainty. “I say the same to you. It wasn’t your fault that I died, please… stop blaming yourself for things out of your control.”

Dean huffed a laugh.

“Can’t ask me that, man…” He said.

“I won’t then…” Cas answered. “I’ll just keep annoying you without you noticing.”

When a laugh left Dean’s chest, Castiel knew they were okay and had solved the little things bothering them both.

“Can we listen to music now?” Dean asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Sure.” Castiel took the cassette box again and started looking at them one more time.

“You don’t happen to have on you that tape I made you?” Dean asked, rather quietly.

“I do, actually.” Castiel answered with a squint. “It’s in my coat.”

“Do you always carry that around?” Dean huffed a laugh to pretend he wasn’t at all bothered by that fact.

“Yes.” Cas answered sincerely, looking deeply into Dean’s eyes to make his point.

Stretching back towards the back seat, Castiel reached for the coat Dean had lent to him. As he did so, Dean saw the skin on Cas’ navel completely visible because of his position. With wide eyes, he stared at the hairy skin until he remembered to pay attention on the road, and as he took his eyes away from Cas, he noticed he was almost driving out to the side of the road. With a jolt, he got back on the road, his breathing quickened and his heartbeat bouncing. Castiel jolted with the car, and almost hit his head on the door.

“Are you okay?” Castiel asked as he sat back. “What happened?”

“I just got distracted for a second.” Dean said embarrassedly. “I’m fine.”

Nodding, Castiel looked at him suspiciously for a few seconds and then placed the tape on the deck.

Whole Lotta Love started playing, filling the car.

 

*** 

 

Kansas City was… _bright_.

They arrived there just after 11 pm, and seeing everything so shiny with the remaining Christmas lights and decorations warmed them on the inside. Maybe that truly was the best time of the year.

They found a motel not far from the park, and while Sam got them all rooms, Dean and Jack decided which pizzas they wanted delivered.

“They only had three rooms available. So we got lucky.” Sam said when he returned to where they were leaning against the cars. “One for Bobby and mom, one with two singles for me and Jack, and the other one has a king for Dean and Cas.”

“What?” Dean said in feared surprise. His eyes wide.

“I thought maybe you could stay with Cas in that room since Cas doesn’t have to sleep.” Sam clarified with a frown, and then smiled at the understanding of Dean’s panic.

“Oh.” Dean huffed a nervous laugh. “Alright.”

Castiel watched, yet again, Jack and Sam exchange a look.

“Let’s all get settled in and then we meet up for dinner.” Sam said, seeing that Dean was lost in thought and Jack was too busy laughing for some reason.

Everyone got their keys and their bags from the trunk, and scattered around to their rooms.

Two hours later, they had all already eaten and talked about the following day while Sam bought their tickets online. Sam, Jack, Bobby and Mary left to their own rooms, so Dean was left alone with Cas.

“Let’s just go to sleep… tomorrow will be a full day.” Dean said, yawning as he took his toothbrush and tooth paste from a small bag and then walked to the attached bathroom.

“I’ll settle in on that armchair, then.” Castiel said, walking to the suspiciously yellow chair, that seemed the most uncomfortable thing he had ever laid eyes on.

“You can sit on the bed, man.” Dean said from the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from his mouth when he appeared on the door. “It’s big enough for both of us. You don’t sleep, and you’d be more comfortable here than on that ugly ass thing.”

“Are you sure, Dean?” Cas asked, looking at him with a squint. “I don’t wanna bother you.”

“You won’t.” Dean assured him before walking back into the bathroom and closing the door.

Sighing, Castiel walked to the right side of the bed and sat down on it. The mattress was soft, and he couldn’t help but wonder how would it be like to hug Dean while lying there.

When he realized he had been staring at the pillow on the bed, he blinked and looked up, noticing Dean was on the other side of the bed taking his clothes off.

“If you feel like resting, you can lose the coat and lay down.” Dean said as he took off his pants. “I’m sure you’ll be comfortable.” He added, adjusting the shirt he left on.

Nodding, Castiel took the remote control from the nightstand by his side and turned on the TV that stood opposite from the bed.

“Night, buddy.” Dean said with a smile as he slipped his body under the thick blankets and turned on his side, his back towards Cas.

“Good Night.” Castiel mumbled back, watching the back of Dean’s head.

Deciding to tone out his grace, Cas closed his eyes for a few seconds, and when he reopened them, he immediately felt tired.

He sat there watching TV until he was sure Dean was asleep, and only then he got up and took of the coat and the boots he was wearing.

Carefully, Cas slipped under the blankets by Dean’s side, trying not to touch him and startle him from his sleep. As he settled comfortably, Dean stirred and turned towards the middle of the bed, ending up face to face with Cas.

Cas’ breath caught in his throat. Dean was simply… _perfect_. There was no other way to describe him.

Castiel closed his eyes, and smiling, he fell asleep for the first time in months.

 

*** 

 

When Dean felt himself awaking, he felt warm. Really _, weirdly_ warm.

As he opened his eyes, he slowly saw Castiel sleeping. He had his eyes closed and his mouth was slightly open (cutely, dare he add).

While a smile spread on his lips and eyes, he looked in between them and saw their hands. They were touching. Dean’s hand was cupping Cas’, their fingers almost completely laced together.

As panic started to settle in Dean’s chest, Castiel woke up with wide eyes, sensing something was wrong.

“Dean.” He mumbled sleepily.

“Morning.” Dean answered softly, giving Cas’ fingers a squeeze before getting up fast, picking a small bag from the chair and running to lock himself in the bathroom.

Frowning and completely confused, Castiel lifted himself up and propped his upper body on his elbows. He watched the closed bathroom door for a few minutes, hearing what seemed like something being thrown down to the floor.

With a sigh, he got up from the bed and went to the duffle bag Dean had made him. He chose a shirt and a flannel, and dressed them both before putting on the winter coat.

Cas made the bed, and organized everything he could while Dean continued locked in the bathroom. When he was done, he sat on the bed and waited.

Ten minutes later, Dean left the bathroom with his face slightly pink. Castiel couldn’t tell if it was because of the shower he took or because he was crying, but he decided not to ask about that.

“Are you okay?” Cas asked instead, while Dean went through the clothes in his duffle bag, choosing something to wear.

“I’m fine.” Dean answered.

Nodding even though Dean couldn’t see it, Castiel continued there, watching as Dean took off the towel he had around his hips to reveal a blue underwear. He dressed a pair of jeans and a white, long sleeved t-shirt, adding a red, thick flannel over it.

“Listen, Dean…” Castiel started, worried he had done something weird to Dean while they slept. “I’m sorry if I did something to you while I slept… I didn’t mean it.”

“You didn’t do anything Cas.” Dean said with a sigh. “I’m just an idiot, that’s all.”

“What?” Cas asked in confusion. “Why would you say that?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He said drily. “Let’s just go, the park opens in an hour, and Jack must be anxious.”

Still holding a frown, Castiel agreed, and soon they were both leaving the room and meeting everyone else for breakfast.

Two hours later, they were arriving at the park. Jack was a puddle of nerves around them, jumping at every two steps, laughing and repeating how excited he was for the rides of the park. Sam gave everyone their tickets and explained that they should keep the card handed to them at the entrance.

“Oh.” He said, turning back at Dean and Castiel. “I bought two pairs of “couple tickets”, because they were cheaper. So if anyone asks, you both are a couple.” Sam smiled and wiggled his eyebrows, turning back and walking the few steps left to enter the check-in cabin.

With wide eyes, Dean looked at Cas.

“I’m sure we don’t have to do anything weird.” Castiel tried. “They won’t ask us to kiss or prove to be together. Entering there arm in arm must suffice.”

 Dean closed his eyes and gave Cas a nod.

“We don’t have to do this, Dean.” Cas shook his head, sympathy and hurt in his eyes.

“It’s fine, man.” Dean shrugged slowly. “I’m not gonna break from pretending to be with you.” He smiled weakly.

Castiel nodded.

“Okay then.” Cas said, but kept cautious.

“Shall we?” Dean asked, offering Cas his hand.

A little surprised, Castiel took Dean’s hand. Dean adjusted them together until their fingers were intertwined. Castiel watched their hands falling into place between them.

“Let’s go… _darling_.” Dean said and gave him a wink. Smiling weakly, Castiel nodded despite the squeeze in his heart.

The day was spent on various rides. They went from a Ferris Wheel ride until a roller coaster ride. Cas was the one who took Jack on most of them, including to a Christmas sing-a-long, where they sang a song with Dean and were applauded by everyone while Sam screamed “family of the year” from the first row.

Dean and Cas walked arm in arm or hand in hand for the most of the day, exchanging smiles and looks when friendly people they met asked them questions about their relationship and their son.

Despite the sorrow both of them felt because the little acting wasn’t real, they had both long decided to ignore the fakeness of the situation and really play into the roles of being together.

They took photos in the photo booth together, and got discounts on many of the things they bought. Castiel’s heart pounded when Dean called him “darling” in front of other people, his insides burned and his smile couldn’t help but appear. He responded by calling Dean his husband, which caused Dean to blush every single time and squeeze his hand in their grasp.

They stopped for dinner at the food court, and rested until 9 pm, when the event with a party and then a countdown was supposed to start. They all danced and enjoyed the songs, drinking the alcohol-free drinks the event offered. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he had had that much fun, or the last time he had danced in front of people. He even danced one slow song with Castiel, which Jack had insisted that they did.

When the party simmered down around 11:30, they all found each other and stood at the main point of the park, to make the countdown and see the fireworks.

“I’m sorry I acted like a dick this morning.” Dean said, leaning closer to Cas and handing him a glass of Champagne he took from a server passing by them.

Castiel lifted his eyes from the glass and frowned at Dean.

“I was scared because we woke up holding hands.” Dean chuckled, still leaning closer, the music too loud for him to be heard by distance. “After holding hands with you all day, I realized there’s nothing scary about that… so yeah, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Dean.” Castiel answered, leaning close to Dean to speak. “It was a fair reaction… it’s not like we had ever held hands before that.”

Dean nodded.

“And that’s a shame, you know…” Dean said, smiling sheepishly. “I actually liked holding hands all day. The whole fake dating thing was pretty fun.”

“I know!” Cas answered with a smile. “Who knew we could get so much discount on things.”

“Yeah but not just because of the discounts, man…” Dean bumped his shoulder to Cas’. “It was nice to have som- you… to have _you_ so close to me.”

Castiel’s eyebrows went up, his heartbeat increasing again.

“I…” He started, but stopped himself to think properly. “I liked having you close. I had never experienced that before.” He disclosed, looking away from Dean’s eyes.

Dean changed his glass to his left hand and opened his right one towards Cas.

“Maybe we can keep that on.” Dean shrugged a shoulder. “You know… dating.” He explained. “But for real... every day.”

Looking at Dean’s hand, Castiel raised his and laced their fingers together.

“I would like that very much.” He answered, squeezing Dean’s hand and lifting them together towards his lips to land a kiss over the back of Dean’s hand.

“Sweet.” Dean nodded with a big, gummy smile.

“Very.” Castiel added, smiling just as big.

The host of the event started the thirty-second count until midnight.

“Here’s to a better year.” Dean raised his glass, approaching Cas once again. “Here’s to us being together for good.”

“Here’s to us.” Castiel answered in kind. “Here’s to being a family. I can’t wait to have a whole new year with you.”

Touching their glasses, they toasted their future, and when the ten-second count begun, Dean got even closer to Cas, close until his lips were just brushing Cas’ ear.

“I love you.” Dean said as the clock hit midnight.

Breaking in a sob of joy and relief, Castiel winded his arm around Dean’s neck, turning his head slightly to the side to catch his lips on a kiss.

The sounds of the fireworks exploded in their ears, and no matter how much they had waited all day for the lights, nothing could break them apart in that moment. No monster of the week, no big bad, no apocalypse and most importantly: no hidden feelings.

Letting go of Dean’s hand, Castiel lifted his own hand to Dean’s face, holding his cheek as they kept kissing.

Clearly needing to breathe, Dean started pecking Cas’ lips over and over, not wanting to get away from him even though he was really in need of air. So, careful not to spill his drink over Dean’s back, Cas pulled his hands back from him an stepped back.

“We can kiss some more later.” Cas said with a chuckle. “Let’s celebrate with our family now.”

Nodding, Dean started to turn around, but Cas held him back by his elbow. Pulling him close to his body, Castiel looked deep into his eyes.

“I love you, Dean.” He said, and opened a smile.

Chuckling in between his blush, Dean leaned in for a quick kiss.

“I see my New Year wish already came true!” Sam announced, arriving by their side and causing them to break apart. “Thank god our plan worked.” He said, looking at Jack.

“Plan?” Dean and Cas said at the same time.

“Sam and I were trying to get you guys together.” Jack said. “You know… as a couple.” He added quietly.

Dean and Cas’ wide eyes turned into laughter, which they shared with Sam and Jack.

“Well it worked perfectly.” Dean said with a shrug. “Thanks guys.”

“Thank you both.” Castiel said and raised his glass. “Happy New Year!”

Exchanging wishes, they all hugged each other and smiled, thinking of the year that had just started.

On the way back home, they stopped in Lawrence for a quick visit to some old places and memories. And if Dean couldn’t let go of Cas’ hand during the whole time, well… that wasn’t something he had to worry about fearing anymore.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!   
> Thanks for all the kudos, comments and support this year! 
> 
> Here's to an even better 2019!


End file.
